sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We talked him into tasing himself.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
