He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize