her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Houston, we have a blender
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
