Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
