Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
