I cockslap morals
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize