i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
