Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
