Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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