Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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