Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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