the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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