went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
