Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
