just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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