He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
