I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
soo... how was my night?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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