I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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