Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize