Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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