on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
