UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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