this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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