Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
