I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
