he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
