she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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