I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
