I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
