so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
