Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
