It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize