i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
