does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
