i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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