The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Randomize