i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
