One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
