nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
