the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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