he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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