Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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