Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
A+ Viking dick
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
