Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
