and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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