Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
