awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
