Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm passing your future prison.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
