D3 body, D1 cock
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
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