i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
