i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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