YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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