I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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