Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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