Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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