he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
