If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
