Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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