I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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