hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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