So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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