if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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