Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
