Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
