Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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