I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
