what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
