bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
