I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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