eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
