While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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