Whatcha textin bout Willis?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
