Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
