Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
