hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
