NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
