Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Best friends brother. Beat that.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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