I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
