Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
