Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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