I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
