So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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