Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
