On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
