went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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