i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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