Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
