so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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