dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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